Marriage

An interesting conversation at work got me thinking about marriage and how much work is involved in building and maintaining a good marriage.

It's amazing, when you think about it, the dynamics of a marriage, the sacred union of a man and a woman. A great read is "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray to help understand the differences betweem men and women. Anything by Dr. Gary Chapman and Family Life are also helpful resources.

I suppose alot of people are shocked early in marriage and maybe even later in marriage how the differences between themselves and their spouses provide possibilities for conflict. Then, alot of times, especially early in marriage, we are not equipped in resolving conflict. So, a little problem, unresolved, makes other problems much bigger and this creats a "snowball effect."

I don't think we should be expected to be alike as men and women, nor should we expect all men and women to be alike. Afterall, our Creator is not a cookie cutter God. On top of that, we are all exposed to different environment growing up. So, one person's life experiences are not the same as another person's life experiences. These life experiences shape our perspective of all life situations and create different expectations and reaction to everyday life.

The key is to understand there is a difference and have a true desire to learn our differences in order to understand why we do the things we do and react the way we react and help us understand why our spouses or potential spouses see thing the way they do. Very hard work, but very satisfying and productive.

Unfortunately, whether in church or out, our society has not created a good environment where couples can admit there are problems and seek help. Couples who have problems feel like they have failed instead of realizing ALL COUPLES have conflicts to work through. They become isolated because they think they are the only ones having problems.

I know Brandi and I during mentoring situations make it clear that in 13 years, we've had some issues and that's normal. They key is to learn how to effectively work through issues. We don't want newlyweds to be naive when the honeymoon wears off and real life slaps them in the face. I think if more married couples were open about conflicts, other couples would be less likely to feel abnormal and more likely to seek help.

So, go out today and tell someone how much you and your spouse argue with each other!